Not Me Monday - The Tea Party Edition

My girls did not decide to have a tea party at 11pm last night. The theme was not Mad Hatter.

It was also not Princess in the Pea meets structural engineering project.

Most importantly, this is not Mars in front of the Christmas tree that still hasn't been taken down.

As an aside my child is not the spawn of the devil - despite what her brother might have to say on the matter.

A Typical Sunday

Just a typical Sunday here at Casa de Half-Assed. I started off a tad bit hung over from the football game last night and then dropped the kids off at church to volunteer with the Kinder kids during first service. I went grocery shopping while they were there and then met back up with them for "Big Church".

Now I'm cooking a triple batch of Paula Deen's Beef Stew for the freezer and yelling and cussing at the kids because they are doing a completely half assed job cleaning. Domestic Bliss I tell you.

Super Easy Crock Pot Teriyaki Chicken

I think this is the easiest thing I have ever "cooked". (I use the term very loosely here)

What you need:
1 - 1 1/2 pounds frozen boneless skinless chicken breasts
1/2 bottle Honey Teriyaki Marinade (Lawry's or KC Masterpiece - can't remember now)
1 cup of chicken stock

Directions:
Put hunk of frozen chicken in crockpot. Dump marinade and stock on top. Now for the hard part... Program crockpot to start cooking on low in about 6 hours so the chicken has time to defrost. I cooked mine on low for 2 hours and then on warm for another 2 hours or so. It was perfect - moist and juicy. FWIW I think 4 hours on low might have dried it out too much.

Serve with buttered noodles and veggies if you have anyone that will eat them.

This is a blog hop!

Leave a Message at the Beep

So, Mars has taken to saying "Mars isn't here right now, leave a message at the beep." when I ask her to do something.

I can't wait until she starts cutting me off after the beep with "I'm sorry this voice mail box is full, please try again later."

Can you tell what I do for a living?

At the football game last night I was *ahem* mixing myself a few drinks. Alas the only thing I had to stir with was a dry erase marker!

As an aside do you have any idea how much rum you have to drink to put away 900 calories at 50 calories an ounce??? Good thing I was mixing it with Diet Coke instead of the fully leaded stuff.

Sex Ed the Half Assed Way

I may or may not have told a group of boys that were talking about not using condoms because you can just pull out that from what I have heard, "that Q-Tip ain't no joke". And then described in apparently scarring detail how the Q-Tip is used to detect STD's. I love being me. I hope they fear the Q-Tip every time they even think about sex.

Holy Moly!

I have been busy lately. I swear I am going to try to start blogging again a couple of times a week. School has started back again and it is running me ragged. As best I can tell, I have 2 nights a week that are free.

Chris is playing football. He is a starter on the A team and very proud of it. Mars is loving the freedom of Jr. High. The responsibility not so much...

I'm teaching a new class this semester. It is going well, but it is a ton of work since I have never taught it before. I am also officially Big Chocolate's only employee.

Here's my funny for the day: So Monday I was worn out and chillin at the 7th grade football game shoving nacho's in my mouth like I've never eaten before. I told Big Chocolate that I was drowning my sorrows in Nacho Cheese. He replies "That's OK. I'm going to drown my sorrows in Nacho Pu**y. LOL. That man is crazy...