Rubber Chicken

Man I have stretched the package of Chicken Leg Quarters farther than I ever would have imagined possible. Brokeness can be such an inspiration I tell you.

I got a couple of packages of Chicken Quarters for free. They were on sale at target a while ago and I used a target coupon and manufacturer's coupon to get them for free.

I stumbled across an un-recipe to make shredded chicken in the crock pot. I call it an un-recipe because you skin the legs and throw 'em in the crockpot on low for 8 hours. No water, no salt, no nothing.

When I woke up in the morning I fished out the chicken and shredded it. I got what I guestimate to be about 4 cups of shredded chicken. I threw the bones back in the pot with the juices.

I added about 6 cups of water, some onion, celery and bell pepper I had in the freezer and left it in the crockpot for another 8 hours or so to do its thing. FYI, I never throw away veggies. I always freeze them for stuff like this when they get too limp to use for anything else.

When I got home, I fished out the bones and the limp veggies and tossed them. Then I added a couple of hand fulls of noodles and chopped up 2 "good" carrots and celery stalks threw them in with a handful of the shredded chicken. Viola - Cheap and easy gallon of chicken noodle soup.

Tomorrow we are are having chicken taco's with the rest of the shredded chicken.

Free Trials

I just love free trials. One of the best one's that I have signed up for recently is a free year of McAfee Anti-Virus for 3 computers through Bank of America.

The million dollar question is how do I remember to cancel free trials before they actually charge your credit card. While maxing out your credit cards before they have a chance to charge you is always one option.

I have learned however from working at Big Chocolates law firm. The secret is to put a reminder to cancel on your email's calendar or cell phone calendar if you don't have Outlook.

Look out Monday for my Swagbucks update for January. I am going to tell you how much I have earned in Amazon Gift Cards this month and how. Let's just say it is pretty dang impressive.

So Is It Bad

When you hop on the scale and catch yourself thinking "No Whammies, No Whammies, No Whammies"?

Is it worse when you open online banking first thing in the morning and catch yourself thinking the same darned thing?

A Poem

My Mom

By C-Diddy

My mom is a circus

She does alot of crazy things

But one of the funniest

Is the way she sings

When she sings she is a monkey

She cannot keep a beat

You will know how true this is

When she tries to stomp her feet

I Am So Old

This is an old picture of the kids and Mar Dub's best friend (and my other daughter) Hip Hop.
She asked me "What is the thing that looks like a CD but it's way bigger?" this morning.

Mother Daughter Competition

So Mar Dub and I have been fighting over 50 cents for the last 2 days. We were couch fishing for some long lost items and I found 2 quarters.

She wanted them, but I told her I found them and they were mine. I put my treasure on the kitchen counter where she promptly "found" them and proclaimed Finders Keepers.

This morning I go into her bathroom to pick up clothes and lo and behold there are the 2 quarters in her pocket where I "found" them. I scream, I yell, I do the happy dance and Big Chocolate is like WTF. He so doesn't get it.

Then I put the darned things on the counter again not realizing I was going to be stuck at the office and she was going to beat me home and surely refind them.

Oh well, I lay pretty good odds of recovery when they go back in her pocket.

Cool contest I found to win free groceries for a year

"I love cozi.com! They have an awesome family calendar and grocery list feature!"

Hey, I just entered this contest on Cozi.com to win free groceries for a year. All you have to do is put in your email address.

Even if you don’t enter, please click the link to help me win. (I get an extra entry for telling you.) Thanks!

View >>

Breast Milk Isn't Always Best

On the top ten list of things you don't want a lesbian to tell you is:

"So, it turns out I'm allergic to breast milk."

As soon as I started laughing my ass off at her, she quickly followed up with the fact that she was feeding her friends baby and the bottle dripped on her arm and gave her a rash.

But she said it, so blog I must.

Cleaning out the Freezer

Big Chocolate is participating in a 21 Day Fast at our church this month. It's the Daniel Diet which is basically fruits and vegetables. No dairy, meat, fish or bread. Last time the church did it there was no caffeine allowed either. This time the pastor decide "bean juice" was ok because coffee is just a bean.

I can't do the diet because my Doctor is real big on me not detoxing anti-psychotics. Jeez, he's no fun. I was going to give up caffeine (and thus my beloved diet dr. peppers) like I did last year, but when coffee was on the table again, I knew I would just drink that instead even though it's disgusting. I wouldn't be doing it with the right spirit, so I am just skipping out this time.

Do you have any idea how many pounds of fruit and veggies a dude Big Chocolate's size has to eat to not wither away? Double that because he's been working out for 1 1/2 hours 4 or 5 times a week. I brought home about 20 pounds of fruits and veggies yesterday and I think it should last until Saturday - Maybe.

All that being said, since just the kids and I are eating "real food", our standards are much lower. I'm hoping that we can eat our way through the pantry and freezer over the next 3 weeks. This will cut our grocery cost since the big guy's are going through the roof.

I always have tons of meat in the freezer. I love to check out the "old meat bin" at Market Street and throw it in the freezer as soon as I get home. Heck I have 4 Turkey's in the freezer outside from Thanksgiving sales.

So far this week we have had Mac & Cheese, Chicken with Meat and Cheese In (Cordon Bleu to the rest of the world), Carnitas and Frito Pie. If I get my lazy ass off the couch and take it out I think tonight will be pork tenderloin of some variety. From their we have chicken thighs and spaghetti sauce to work through.

Don't worry we're eating plenty of fruit and healthy snacks too. Once I work my way through all of the "good meat" I have a ton (like 200 probably) chicken breasts in the freezer. I will try to find as many unhealthy ways to eat those as possible. Baked potatoes with lots of sour cream and cheese and fettuccine alfredo anyone?

Would it be bad if I considered the shelf full of liquor at the top of the pantry as part of my cleaning out goal?

PS. I just learned that caffeine does not follow the i before e except after c rule. Ain't that something.

Date Night on the Free (Almost)

I have had a great run of freebies lately! Which is great since the big guy and I nearly got a divorce in WalMart the other day over the apple juice he wanted to buy.

Friday Big Chocolate and I went to see Avatar for FREE at Studio Movie Grill. We did pay $3 each for the 3D upgrade and it was worth it. We ate at Raising Cane's for FREE too. This morning I am going to get a FREE Bagel at Einstein's!

All four of us signed up for the deal @ Studio Movie Grill, so I have 6 tickets left to use for C-Diddy's Birthday. I couldn't find anywhere it said it was limited to one per household. If you do, don't let me know because I have a clear conscience and would like to keep it that way.

Shout out to Common Sense With Money, Frisco-Online and Katy Couponers for the heads up on these.

Dream Jobs

So Mar Dub told me the other day that she wants to be a police woman.

Why you ask?

Because they get to wrestle people to the ground and put handcuffs on them. That's my girl.

Pillow Talk

Let me set the stage for you - I walk into the room and Big Chocolate is in the bed naked laying on his side kind of curled up. Not quite fetal position, but about half way there.

HAH - Are you OK?
BC (very seriously) - I'm Confused
HAH - OK what are you confused by?
BC (very seriously again) - I feel like we've been here before. At a certain time and a certain place.
HAH (loud and jokingly) - Like de ja vu?
BC - No much more serious than that.
HAH thinks to herself - WTF
HAH - Umm OK

Few minutes pass.

BC- Babe, whatever you do, don't take anything I say too lightly tonight. The Ambien is kicking in weird.
HAH thinks - Ohhh this makes sense. I wonder if I should go hide his car keys. No, I already took my medicine. I might forget where I hid them.

Few more minutes pass.

BC - Just talk to me babe.

Father/Son Converssations

After C-Diddy had forgotten to do the same thing we had asked him to do 3 times in 30 minutes:

Big Chocolate: Son, does it ever get uncomfortable having your head shoved so far up your ass?

C-Diddy - No after 12 years, you get used to it.

Hot Chocolate Mix

It is freezing here! Well it should be by now anyway. I wrote this post on Tuesday. It is supposed to be in the teens if not lower. Have I mentioned we live in TEXAS?

Here is a link to our favorite Hot Chocolate Mix recipe. In year's past I would just buy a gallon of chocolate milk and heat it up, but Big Chocolate makes funny of me and says it's half-assed. The nerve of that man I tell you. I think I am insulted.

According to one blogger I read this recipe does have nuclear waste in it. Apparently the stuff they make pudding and non-dairy creamer out of is down right scary. I am happy to report this is our third batch this winter and no one is glowing in the dark. Yet.

Yes I said it has PUDDING in it. I am convinced that is what gives it the super creamy, rich but not bitter flavor making it the best I've ever had. Dang it now I have that Drake song in my head. "Baby you're my everything. You're all I ever wanted." Sorry I digress.

A couple of notes:

• You can use the link in the recipe to change the size of the batch you make.
• A food processor is your best friend here. I mix everything up in a stock pot and then run it through in my food processor in batches to make sure it really is mixed well. This also makes the mix really fine which helps it dissolve better IMO.
• Use a large box of Pudding.
• I don't measure everything too well, especially the stuff with really large measurements. I figure there is more wiggle room there.
• I have strayed and used store brand coffee creamer and dry milk, but I am not willing to stray from the nesquik to a store brand.
• I get most of my supplies at Costco or Sams to save $$$. This isn't the cheapest recipe in the world, but it sure as heck is better than Swiss Miss and based on the amount one recipe yields, it's reasonable.
• Last time I checked, you get about 48 cups of Hot Chocolate out of the recipe. That is actual yummy chocolatey liquid.
• Ohh yeah, follow the freaking instructions when you mix the mix with water. It is 1/3 cup mix added to 2/3 cup water. If you add it to a cup of water it's going to suck!
• Ohh yeah. Ohh yeah. Make sure you put the little stopper doo hicky in the top of the food processor every time. Just Sayin'

I'm Reading the Bible

Like all of it. At the first of the year, I committed to a challenge to read the Bible in 90 days posted by Moms Tool Box . The whole shebang from cover to cover.

First off I have never read the bible more than I was obligated to because it seemed so daunting. I am the most ADD person in the whole entire world, but you probably knew that about me already. I had been seriously considering reading the whole thing any way, but didn't know where to start or how to manage it until I ran across this challenge.

Six days in I have to say it is going much better than I expected. It is taking me about 30 - 45 minutes a day so far. It isn't miserably boring as I had assumed it would be. I mean it has sex and lies, but no video tape. Darn it. There is however audio if you prefer to listen while you read.

Here are a couple of my observations from just my first day reading.

• This would be so much better if it was published James Patterson style where every chapter starts on a new page! I fixed that. I ditched my "paper" bible and instead have gone with Bible Gateway the last few days. Problem solved and so much easier to manage.
• I had no idea I could have named C-Diddy "Nimrod" and used the excuse that it was a biblical name!

Don't get me wrong, I am getting the important stuff out of it too, but you know me I find comedy in most anything. It makes life happier.

For the 'Rents

Check out the frame I got for the kids picture. Did you know I had a light above my mantle? If you did, do you by chance know where the heck the switch is to turn it on? Yes I have checked "the wall". I just noticed the darn thing after 3 years in this house and now I can't find the switch.

How Do You Like The New Look???

I need some feedback on how you like the new look. Is it too hard to read? Did you like the old simpler version better? I did most of my tinkering with the background and colors while I was hopped up on goofballs last night after everyone else had gone to bed.

I also need your help. Please help to make my blog the only blog with nutritional value - it helps to feed my kids. Sorry I stole that line from an interview with he CEO of Dr. Pepper, but it was too funny to let die on the business report on talk radio.

In that vein (or is it vane?)I have also added a couple of addish banners to my website. The one at the top is for Swagbucks. I just love Swagbucks! They are basically a search engine where you can get rewarded for searching like you would on google. I don't feel like the search is as robust as google, but I can always go to google and google to my hearts content.

Right now it takes about 45 Swagbucks to get a $5 Amazon gift card. I downloaded the toolbar and saved it as my default search engine and was able to earn about 65 in a month of use. I'm planning on saving mine up until the end of the year and use it for Christmas shopping next year. When you sign up with them you get 3 free Swagbucks to start. If you sign up through my link, I will get a swagbuck every time you do. You can invite friends or blog readers if you wish and you will get a swag buck every time they earn one as well.

I have also added a search box for Amazon. If you are considering buying something from Amazon anyway, would you consider searching for it through my site? Once you are on the Amazon site, you can browse to your heart's content and I will get credit for anything you buy that day.

Finally, if you need to book travel, you can click on my vacation banner to the right. When you are their click on book travel and you will be taken to my website where you can search for hotels, airfare, cruises and the like. This site pulls from the same places that the big travel websites all pull from . The only difference is that I get roughly a 5 -10% commission on anything you book other than airfare.

Thanks for your support of my Half-Assedness

Lil' Chocolate

Check out Big Chocolate when he wasn't so big (and his shorts were even less big). His big brother posted this gem on facebook the other night. He's the tall dude in the picture. Blinderman, if you tell him about this I'll ban you from the blog I promise.

Other highlights of our weekend:

• Big Chocolate's friend Gorilla Glued herself to a mirror. What is it with people we know and adhesive? The big guy is grouting and re-caulking our shower tonight, so keep your fingers crossed.
  
• Same friend's kid who's initials are DIM by the way, farted this morning and asked her why the room stunk.
  
• Big Chocolate just informed me that he would never wear a thong unless he had to do it to get into heaven because his ass crack is too hairy. He started the discussion by asking if he was gay for staring at the dude in the gym wearing the full body spandex outfit. It was apparently "Mesmerizing".
  

Sadly this is only about 1/4 of the funny stuff that happened this weekend. I am unwilling to share the rest with my parents though. I really need to start an X rated sister blog that is by invitation only.