Rubber Chicken

Man I have stretched the package of Chicken Leg Quarters farther than I ever would have imagined possible. Brokeness can be such an inspiration I tell you.

I got a couple of packages of Chicken Quarters for free. They were on sale at target a while ago and I used a target coupon and manufacturer's coupon to get them for free.

I stumbled across an un-recipe to make shredded chicken in the crock pot. I call it an un-recipe because you skin the legs and throw 'em in the crockpot on low for 8 hours. No water, no salt, no nothing.

When I woke up in the morning I fished out the chicken and shredded it. I got what I guestimate to be about 4 cups of shredded chicken. I threw the bones back in the pot with the juices.

I added about 6 cups of water, some onion, celery and bell pepper I had in the freezer and left it in the crockpot for another 8 hours or so to do its thing. FYI, I never throw away veggies. I always freeze them for stuff like this when they get too limp to use for anything else.

When I got home, I fished out the bones and the limp veggies and tossed them. Then I added a couple of hand fulls of noodles and chopped up 2 "good" carrots and celery stalks threw them in with a handful of the shredded chicken. Viola - Cheap and easy gallon of chicken noodle soup.

Tomorrow we are are having chicken taco's with the rest of the shredded chicken.

Oh So Gooey Granola

I'm planning on making granola today. Who knows if I will actually get around to it, but a girl can dream. This recipe is a staple in our house. Feel free to change it up. I never make it the same way twice, but that's par for the course for me. This is good high quality granola, but it's sticky not like that sawdust you buy at the store.

1. Preheat oven to 325
2. Line a cookie sheet with non-stick foil. Make sure you get the sides too.
3. Mix 4 1/2 cups of regular unquick oatmeal, 1 1/2 cups slivered almonds, 1 cup sunflower seeds (shelled, unsalted), 1/3 cup vegetable oil, 1 to 1 1/4 cups of honey, 2 TBSP of cinnamon, and up to a cup of anything else you want in there. I like craisins.
4. Stir it up really well, then spread it out on your cookie sheet.
5. Bake at 325 for 15 minutes
6. Take it out and toss it around with a spatula.
7. Bake it for an additional 15 - 20 - 25 minutes.

You are looking for a good golden or caramel color on the granola. Watch it though because you don't want it to get too brown (or black if you're me). It's probably still going to be sticky depending on how much oil and honey you use.

Let it cool down at least a little and then sneak a bite. Don't eat it straight out of the oven or your mouth will be very angry. Don't ask. Once it cools down put it in a ziplock bag. This makes about a gallon bag full.

We eat it alone or with vanilla yogurt. I don't like it in milk. With milk you are better going with the more cereal types of granola.

Shopping Tips: If you are buying the ingredients in small quantities it will be expensive. I try to minimize cost so I get my stuff in bulk at Costco. The almonds in particular are less expensive when you buy the ginormous bag. Their honey is about $10 for 32 oz. I either get the huge box of oatmeal at Costco or stock up on Free Oatmeal when I find a deal on it. Sunflower seeds I usually buy bulk at Sprouts or somewhere like that.

Interesting Aside: Spell check didn't say "ginormous" was spelled incorrectly. I guess Buddy the Elf has caused English as we know it to evolve.

A Three Timer

This Pork Tenderloin recipe is a 3-timer. What does being a 3-timer mean? Well it means I have cooked it 3 times and it has been delicious all 3 times. Even when I decided I knew the recipe well enough and improvised tonight. I always forget stuff when I do this. But dang it, I'm not a recipe follower.

Needless to say any recipe I can make three times successfully is certified by the Half Assed Housewife as fool proof. I like this recipe because of the technique more so than the actual ingredients.

Basically you rub down the meat like it's the man of your dreams. Then you throw it in a cast iron skillet to sear it for a few minutes. Move the skillet into a steamy 425 degree oven and cook the meat until it reaches an internal temperature of 145 degrees. In my oven this takes about 15 - 16 minutes if I am doing one tenderloin and closer to 20 if I am cooking two at one time.

It is uber easy and it gets a minimal number of dishes dirty. Plus it cooks relatively quickly. This is one of those 30 minute meals that only takes me 30 minutes to make instead of an hour and a half. It's relatively inexpensive for a "nice meal".

We have to double the recipe because my children eat more than NFL Linebackers. That being said, I buy my tenderloins at Central Market when they have them on sale. I bought 10 pounds last time they were on sale and had them wrapped in 2 pound packages for the freezer. I am pretty sure they are on sale for either $3 or $4 until Tuesday at CM in Plano. All told, tonight's meal set me back about $7. Six of that was for the meat and the other dollar was for a bag of egg noodles to go with. Everything else is stuff I keep in my pantry. (I have yet to use the sage the recipe calls for).

I also think it will adapt well to other seasonings and sauces I have been to lazy to explore. Another great feature of this recipe is that you can rescue some of the meat before you sauce it to make the picky people in your life happy.

Next time I find a deal on the Hormel pre-marinated varieties, I am going to try this technique with them instead.

Manipulation and Rice Krispy Treats

So I pick up Mars at school today and she informs me that tomorrow is her day to bring a snack to celebrate her birthday (in August mind you). Woo Hoo. I can hardly wait. It's not like this gets me off the hook for anything else when her birthday rolls around. It's just something extra I have to do right now.

Have I mentioned I am stoked about the prospect of having to spend $20 bucks on pre-made crap to take to school? My only other thought is I could make something but that would take forever and I am pretty sure anything home made is banned from public school at this point.

Then my little princess rescues me by saying, "We can make Rice Krispy Treats! Nobody believes you make them yourself and they taste better than the ones the Rice Crispy people make. Baron's mom brings cookies from home all of the time."

Wait this isn't being rescued. It's straight up manipulation. Dang I have taught her well. She presented me with an opportunity to save money, hooked me in with a compliment, and started reeling me in with the Baron's mom challenge. She is good. Really, really good.

So what can I say... we made Rice Krispy Treat's the half-assed way.

1. Throw 3/4 of a stick of butter in a big pasta pot.
2. Add a splash of vanilla (this is the secret ingredient)
3. Dump a 1 pound bag of Marshmallows in.
4. Stir over low heat until the butter and marshmallows are melted and gooey.
5. Throw in 9 cups* of crisp rice cereal and stir to coat.
6. If you love yourself, spread this out in a pan that is lined with non stick foil.

All of this for about $3 and 5 minutes of work. M-Dub will be measuring and cutting the cooled treats. We will call that math. She will also be putting them all in Ziploc Bags. We'll call that me being lazy. I will be a good parent and make sure she washes her hands first

* Half-Assed Hint: When you are bored measure how much stuff your cereal bowls hold. Mine hold 3 cups exactly. When ever I need 3 cups of something I just grab a cereal bowl and fill it up.

Hmm.... Wierd... It's actually good

I don't think I've ever heard such sweet words leave my child's mouth. He liked dinner. It was something other than a hot dog or nuggets and the 11 year old liked it. Better pull out my bible because these are indeed the end times.

Carnitas were on the menu for the evening and according to C-Diddy it looked like crap, but tasted good. I love carnitas, but there aren't alot of places to get a good taco around town, and I'm morally opposed to paying $12 for a plate that costs about $2 to make.

I've made them one time before and was overzealous and tried the cook your own tortillas from Costco. They were a cluster-fuck and pretty much trashed the entire meal so tonight I took the half-assed approach and got my fresh, homemade tortillas from the nice ladies at Kroger that know what the hell they are doing.

Now the base recipe I work from came from Kitchen 1924 in Dallas via the WFAA website. I would post the real recipe, but that would take too long. Plus let's be honest, I'm not exactly a follow directions kind of girl. What I will tell you is that if you can get over your fear of dieing in the burn unit at Parkland from grease burns, this is a relatively easy recipe to make. It cooks for ever, but it's pretty simple and I didn't wonder if I was doing it wrong too many times.

I served it with my "homemade" tortillas, shredded cheese and some guacamole that I actually made my self. Unfortunately I forgot to buy the chips to go with said guacamole, so I started by putting it on my tacos and then when I realized nobody else was eating it I pretty much said fuck it and resorted to pretending my finger was the best tortilla chip ever and licking the bowl clean. In my defense guacamole is a vegetable and while I am a bit embarrassed by my total and complete lack of class, I'm glad I didn't consume all those nasty chip calories. You'll understand how important counting extra calories when you read the recipe that I am about to get to.

So here it is,

Coca Cola Carnitas Tacos

I started with about 2 pounds of boneless pork country style ribs. You can use pork shoulder roast too, but the "ribs" are already cut in nice user friendly strips and not too fatty and have I mentioned I am lazy... Then I cut them in about inch and a half chunks.

I season them with Paula Deen's house seasoning which I make in huge batches and keep in a shaker because I use it on everything. Basically it's salt, pepper and garlic powder. You've got to season them really well. When you think you have way too much on there give it another good shake or two.

Heat about 1/2 cup of peanut oil in an iron pot (think Le Creuset - I have an Ikea knock-off that I use). Don't half-ass and use anything other than peanut oil in this recipe, I'm pretty sure it's the only kind that can handle the heat with out smoking you out of the house.

Once you have your oil good and hot carefully put the pork chunks in and brown them while stirring. This is going to take about 7 to 10 minutes. Once they are browned pour in 1 cup of Coke (the fully leaded stuff - not diet) and 1/2 cup orange juice and then top off with however much peanut oil you need to cover the meat completely. Put the lid on the pan and stick it in a 400 degree oven for 20 minutes. After that turn the heat down to 200 and leave it alone in the oven for about 2 1/2 hours.

When time's up, your going to VERY CAREFULLY take everything out of the oven and fish out the cooked pork from the vat of fat. Hey I rhymed! Sorry. Put the meat in a big skillet and turn up the heat to about medium. Shred the meat (which should be falling apart at this point) with a fork and pour in another 1/2 cup of coke and let it cook for a few minutes. Give it a taste and then sprinkle with more garlic salt.