Giving Thanks the Half-Assed Way

It has been a crappy couple of days/weeks/months here at the Half-Assed's. I thought it was only right to take a moment and give thanks. So here is a list of some of the things I am thankful for this holiday season.

1. Diet Dr. Pepper - I know I should be thankful for clean water to drink since like 80% of the world risks contracting ebola every time they take a sip, but for today I am thankful for the fix I get when I pop the top on a cold can. Some people are addicted to heroin - I've got Diet Dr. Pepper on my side.
2. Netflix Live Streaming Downloads - I know it sounds shallow, but it has allowed Big Chocolate and I to include our children in a long held Half-Assed tradition - watching as many seasons of a TV show as we can in as short an amount of time as possible. Our previous record had been an entire season of 24 in 2 days. We are shattering that record with 3 Seasons of Heros in under a week. It's that damn To Be Continued I tell you.
3. 33 cent a pound Turkeys - I have 5 in the freezer so far. Yes, I keep breaking my grocery shopping in to $20 increments and using as many coupons as possible to get my total down as low as possible. Being a Value Whore is the one thing I don't half-ass
4. Big Chocolate - Need I say more??? Plus who the heck is supposed to cook all of those turkeys?
5. Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber - Who else could make attempted murder so much darn fun?
6. Jesus Christ, My Lord and Savior - I know I am irreverent and a fan of bad, bad words, but without his presence in my daily life, I do not know how I would make it. He is there to comfort me when all feels lost and to provide when I have exhausted all of my "humanly possible" options. He is able to use me as his tool when even when I don't realize it and am not in the mood to be that helpful.
7. Spell Check - All I can say is quite possibly the greatest invention of all time. I'm still working on the "privacy window" that limo's have for the family car though.