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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Fun With Old People

It's like I can see 40 years into Big Chocolate's and my future.
  • Friend's mom has glaucoma surgery a few weeks ago.
  • Friend's mom enjoys wearing Lee Press on Nails.
  • Glue for Press on Nails comes in a bottle similar enough in shape for a blind 80 year old to get confused and think it is eye drops.
  • Blind 80 year old doesn't discover it's not eye drops until she has glued BOTH eyelids shut.
  • Blind 80 year old solicits boyfriend's assistance unglueing eyelids with nail polish remover.

Apparently she can still "see" and no emergency medical assistance was actually required. If it was ever in doubt, I am pretty sure I will never wear Lee Press on Nails again. I could never get them on straight when I was a kid anyway. I'm pretty sure Big Chocolate would refuse to participate in the unglueing of the eyelids. I might try the finger nail polish remover myself, but I doubt it. I think I'm too big of a chicken.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Merry New Year

We survived Christmas! It was a wonderful long weekend with both of our families and 700 miles in the car. Despite our seemingly perpetual brokeness, we were able to string together pretty much everything on the kids Christmas list. Now that the jig's up for Santa, their requests are much more reasonable.

Thanks to free item coupons, a free upgrade, and some great sales we were able to get everything for both kids for under $300. We'll come back to this in a minute I promise.

C-Dub received 3 video games, Clue Secrets and Spies, Rubik's 360, and a doo-hicky for his Nintendo DS.

Mar-Dub received a Tiffany's Charm Bracelet (with it's very own blue box), a new cell phone (free), pearl earrings (free), Connect 4 x 4, Guess Who Extra, a Rubber Band Ball and a 1 pound bag of rubber bands so she can make the world's largest rubber band ball.

Mar-Dub always asks for the strangest things. The rubber bands weren't even too off the wall. One year she asked for $1 million in QUARTERS. I had to convince her that it would be too heavy for Santa's sleigh.

Baby Samey (that's pronounced Sammy for those of you who don't know her) had her 8th Birthday this year and even got a new set of clothes!!! Her purple pajamas that say "Samantha" on the front seem to be worn threadbare after eight years of love.


I got the gift of a big girl who is still a little girl at heart! Samey still goes everywhere with Marley. She may be shoved to the bottom of the sleeping bag and rolled up so no one knows, but if Mar Dub is somewhere overnight Samey will be too.

Now I promised we would come back to the $300 we spent on Christmas gifts. Guess how much cash the grown-ups received for Christmas. Thanks to what I can only call God's continual provision, between parents, grandparents and a world-class job getting price adjustments and what I like to call re-shopping in the last couple of days, we have recouped almost to the penny the $300 we put into the kid's Christmas gifts.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Most Important Meal Of The Day

I had the yummiest breakfast the last two days. It's healthy to boot. I had Apple Baked Oatmeal. It had 1/4 cup of dried oats, 3/4 cup of apples, and 1.5 ounces of dairy product.

So I lie, I ate Apple Crumb Cobbler for breakfast the last 2 days. It did have all of the above ingredients. It's just that the dairy product happened to be butter and there was some brown sugar and flour involved too.

I'm kind of disappointed in myself. I did miss the perfect opportunity to add extra dairy and protein by topping it with a scoop of ice cream.

Friday, December 11, 2009

He's Got a Big Ego

Mar - Mom, Can you write Merry Christmas for me?

HAH - Do you not know how to spell Christmas?

Mar - I umm know the Chris part.

HAH - You need to know the Christ part goofball.

C-Diddy - I don't know, I would say we are on about the same level.

HAH - Have fun with that lightning bolt! I'm getting outta the way!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Christmas Carol that Keeps on Giving

I think this has to be my favorite Christmas Carol of all times.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
Let Nothing You Dismay
Remember Christ Our Savior
Was Born Upon This Day
To Save Us All From Satan's Power
When We Have Gone Astray


Oh Tidings Of Comfort And Joy
Comfort And Joy
Oh Tidings Of Comfort And Joy


Yes, it's a Christmas song and people will look at you crazy if they hear you singing it to yourself in July, but ya know what? I still do.

Let me reconsider here. Anything anyone hears me singing is going to make them look at me crazy because I take the Making a Joyful Noise aproach rather than worrying about little details like keeping the tune, beat etc.

This is my every thing's gonna be OK song. Well this and Three Little Birds.

Can you tell I have been stressed out lately???

Monday, December 7, 2009

Not Me Monday


My mother did NOT try to kill me this weekend by coming over to my house after visiting a friend with dogs. My eyes did NOT start to swell shut while we were sitting together on the couch.

I did NOT have a full blown allergy and asthma meltdown resulting from this interaction. Even if I did, I would NOT accidentally blow my nose in a used dryer sheet instead of a Kleenex. That would have been stupid and irritating to my already sore nose.

I really would NOT have seriously considered sticking my head in the hinged door that said WASTE and was only 3 feet off the floor at the Post Office when my albuterol, benedryl and dayquill cocktail overwhelmed me. I most certainly would NOT have been excited about all of the calories I must have been burning from the meth factory in my stomach.

I definitely would NOT still sound like Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle two days later. I was NEVER that sick, little, red-faced asthma kid you made fun of in elementary school.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Half Assed Housewife Strikes Again


I have had a bug up my butt to make flour tortillas for a while, but had not worked up the nerve to try. I found a recipe online and decided to give it a go today because I wanted tortillas, had no tortillas and didn't want to spend $2 on the package.
First the good:
  • I only put about 25 cents worth of ingredients into the recipe.
  • I made sure Big Chocolate was occupied so he wouldn't see what I was doing and make fun of me.
  • Mar Dub and I had fun playing with the dough.
  • We got to use our imaginations.
  • We got to identify a couple of the continents made out of tortilla.

Now the bad:

  • Big Chocolate finished his movie early.
  • And made much, much fun of me.
  • The tortillas were awful

I am pretty sure the error was in the cooking, not necessarily the dough making. Obviously shape is a problem, but if I can figure out how to cook them, then I'll buy a tortilla press to make them nice and round.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Thankful Thursday

I've decided I am going to try to make Thursday's "Thankful Thursday" on the blog. It may be something silly and small, but I do have so much to be thankful for, surely I can come up with one thing a week.

For today, I am thankful for Victoria's Secret. No I didn't watch the fashion show. I like myself and I prefer to keep it that way. I am thankful free panties. Ever since I got on their mailing list I get a coupon for a free pair of panties every month or so. While my cups don't exactly runneth over up top, my panty drawer is going to at this rate.

What are you thankful for???

PS: Darn it all. I just noticed the coupon says "Free Panty" not "Free Pair of Panties". I better not tell Big Chocolate.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Notes To Self and a Half-Assed Give Away

  1. When your car windshield is covered with 2 inches or so of snow, it is probably a good idea to actually get all the way in the car and close the car door before you turn the car on and the windshield wipers start doing their thing. Nothing like a refreshing blast of snow all over you first thing in the morning.
  2. When you have already cursed yourself because of #1, you probably want to be really carefully when you roll the window down at the ATM because the snow that is still piled up on the driver's side window might fall in your lap.
  3. When going somewhere you have never been before, it is always best to remember to bring the address. Kristine, thanks for the Harry Potter costume you left for me on your front porch. Thank you even more for having your house on the market. It made it much easier to only have to stop at the houses that were for sale on your street instead of all of them. By the way, you live on a really long street.
  4. While the $2.50 kid's meal at Ikea was the right price and the perfect amount of food, you are still going to feel like an ass when people look at you crazy for eating from the kiddie dishes.

Now on to the Half-Assed Giveaway -

I have a much coveted 25% off coupon to the Coach Full Price Stores that I received in the mail. Oh how I wish I had the other 75% I would need to use it myself. First person to email me their address is the lucky winner.