From The Mouths of Babes

Big Chocolate: Hmm. Did you cook this chicken?
HAH: Yes
Big Chocolate: Like cooked it cooked it? Not reheated it.
HAH: Like from the 99 cent a pound raw chicken breasts
Big Chocolate: You touched raw meat?
HAH: Yep
Big Chocolate: I need to make some tea.
HAH: Already did.
Big Chocolate: Whoa. Am I gonna "get some" tonight too?
C-Diddy: I think she was planing on you getting it yourself.
Insert grown ups giggling here
C-Diddy: Or at least MarDub or I getting it for you.
Insert grown-ups rolling on the floor.

Making Groceries

My mother-in-law always says she's going to "Make Groceries" when she goes shopping. I always giggle when she says it. Big Chocolate says it's because she basically pulls the grocery money out of the Miracle Hole and manages to string together food to eat.

I've spent several years of my life feeding my family of four on $20 a week. There was college when I was knocked up and Big Chocolate and I couldn't afford our own place. We lived in a $500 a month apartment in the ghetto with either one or two other football players at a given time. Back then we ate lots and lots and lots of hamburger helper. We could get it for free with coupons occasionally so we would literally fill the pantry with the stuff. Then we would buy the huge 10 pound tubes of hamburger meat when we could get "ground chuck for a buck". We would have those logs stacked like firewood in our freezer. Then there was law school. We couldn't handle the Hamburger Helper anymore, so we took on Fish Sticks in the 10 pound bag and the 29 cent a pound chicken leg quarters. Ahh fond memories.

Well we are watching our nickles and dimes again, trying to ride it out until some of our clients decide that our invoices deserve their attention. Needless to say I have been making groceries like a mad woman. I strung together about $50 of free groceries last week over and above the free Joint Juice I "bought" at Tom Thumb. Then I cleaned up on Pillsbury products for cheap this week at Kroger. I've been operating out of our freezer and pantry for a couple of weeks trying to spend as little as humanly possible on groceries. I actually enjoy the game.

It's finally chilly here, so we wanted to make chili or gumbo today. I was too cheap to spend the extra $10 or $15 on the groceries I would need to make either one, so I walked into the pantry and pulled out a miracle.

I made a lovely counterfeit La Madeleine Tomato Basil Soup. Big Chocolate was pretty sure that it was going to be a cluster fuck, but I knew I could do it!

Here's the recipe. Of course I didn't exactly follow it. I used 2 big cans of crushed tomatoes with basil because it's what I had. I went with the 2 cups of tomato juice/2 cups of chicken stock combo. When Big Chocolate wasn't looking, I added about 1/2 tsp of baking soda to the tomatoes and liquid while it was simmering. It cuts the acidity of the tomatoes. I also used salted butter, because it's what I had, but that offset the low sodium chicken broth I had.

I have to say I was surprised at how well it turned out. It was very buttery and rich like a bisque. I can't wait until tomorrow. It has a date with grilled cheese sandwiches!

Transcript from the 6th Grade Band Concert

The following is a transcript of the texts I sent to Big Chocolate tonight. He was at a party and I was at the band concert. We arrived at 6:15.

HAH 6:36 - You owe me. This is hell.
HAH 6:36 - Can you kill yourself with a marimba mallet?
BC 6:37 - And Facebook is down so your berries might not get harvested
HAH 6:37 - Nuh uh. Y's it down?
HAH 6:48 - I swear I can feel myself inhaling swine flu from all these people.
BC 6:48 - Better you than me
HAH 6:56 - I gave up and sat down on the ground and got to watch 1000 camels and their toes walk by.
HAH 7:28 - They just demonstrated "tonguing". I kid you not.
HAH 7:35 - This is never going to end.
HAH 7:35 - Half of the double reed parents are standing around holding their reeds like joints. (the parents got to play thier kids instrument) BC 7:35 - Gotcha
HAH 7:35 - I'm blogging the transcript of this so keep ignoring me.
HAH 7:41 - Mr. X just tucked the microphone in the back of his pants so he could use both hands to direct. Me thinks it's not the first time....
HAH 7:42 - Bastards snuck in a band booster club meeting
HAH 7:50 - Eye of the Tiger coming up soon
HAH 7:51 - It's the thrill of the fight

I so want that 2 hours of my life back. In my defense, I don't do band. When Big Chocolate was convincing C-Diddy he needed to do band, I loudly and frequently protested and informed everyone that I wasn't going to be the band parent.

The Ultimate Weapon

Heard from the other room last night...

Big Chocolate: "Son what are you doing?"
C-Diddy: "Making the ultimate weapon for Mar-Dub."
Silence
C-Diddy: "I farted in the bag."

I am speechless!