Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Serves Me Right

I am always yelling at my kids not to run in the house. Well yesterday I decided it would be a good time to show them that I'm not just blowing smoke out my ass. You really can fall and hurt yourself.

Now, I'm not talking about the casual slip and fall. Oh no. When I do something like this I do it big. As I was rounding the corner for home - I mean the phone (in my socks on the hardwood floor), both of my feet flew out from under me. Though I still don't understand the physics behind the situation, my entire body ended up perfectly horizontal about 3 1/2 feet above the ground.

I would love to have video of this as there is no other time in the history of ever that you will find my happy feet that high off the ground. This was some special effects Karate Kid looking business. If only I had kicked the asshole in the chest and landed on one leg looking like nothing had happened.Unfortunately gravity kicked in and I slammed down to the ground on my left side.

I yell "Fuck" at the top of my lungs which would get the attention of most kids, but I apparently use it so much it doesn't even phase mine anymore. Not until I yell "Help" does anyone know anything is amiss. They ask if I am alright and once I tell them I'll be OK they proceed to point and laugh and probably call me all sorts of names.

Twenty four hours later, I feel like an ass and the whole left side of my body including my teeth hurt. Moral of the story - Don't run in the fucking house!


  1. -->Oh no, you had fallen and couldn't get up!

    I've slipped more than once doing the same thing in my own house. Luckily, I scurried up off the floor before anyone saw me.

  2. OMG, I LOVE it!!! My kids, too, have become impervious to the word "fuck", and would probably stare transfixed at me as I lay on the floor, moaning and writhing...

    I hope it's okay that I laughed hysterically at you, I mean, at this post. ;)

  3. Ha! I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you. I got this Matrix-slash-Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon kind of visual in my head as I read your description. I feel much better knowing I'm not the only person who makes an ass out of herself doing the most mundane tasks.

  4. I am trying so hard NOT to pee my pants while reading your posts!!!!!!!
    You are hysterical.


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