This Post Will Self-Destruct in Seven Days

My Mom reads my blog, so there's some stuff I have to keep to myself. Luckily for all of us she is on a 10 day cruise in Europe right now so I think I'm safe for a few days. Mom, if you found the Internet somewhere, I am warning you skip the rest of this post. You'll be scarred for life and so will I.

If you really know me or Dubelicious in real life, you never heard it from me. Now that I am all disclaimed, here we go.

A couple of weeks ago we got new cell phones. I know it sounds boring right. It pretty much was until Big Daddy Dub Dub took an Ambien and Benedryl one night and then decided to start playing with his phone in bed while I'm in the family room watching TV.

He decides it would be a good idea to send me a "Let's Get It On" sext by sending me a picture of Big Chocolate - the appendage that is. He sends his sext and in a couple of minutes gets a reply back of "Fuck Off" or some such and is pretty sure he sent the sext to the wrong person.

His drugged up mind at this point goes into freak out mode. He drops the dirty bomb on his phone and deletes his entire texting history. I guess he thought this would reverse time. He wakes up the next morning and hopes it was all a bad dream, but it's not. There in his saved pictures is the picture of Big Chocolate in all its glory.

Fast forward a few days. He pulls me aside at the bar and asks if I got the picture and told him to Fuck Off. Nope not me buddy. He's asked everyone he usually texts if they got it in error. Nobody will 'fess up, but they all say they want to see now.

We brainstorm for a bit and the only rational explanation I can come up with is that he sent it to our neighbor (who is also a client) who's name starts with the same three letters as mine. He's too chickenshit to ask her though so I have to.

She denies having spied the man candy too, but wishes she had along with everyone else who has heard this story. What is up with people? I know my husband wears a size 16 shoe and all, but damn. They do have porn you know.

Needless to say, to this day we do not know who got the sext. At this point none of the options left are good. Hopefully time will tell and this will be one of the great mysteries in life that is revealed.