Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Swim Suits are Evil!

I used to be little. Then I got big. Now I am somewhere in the middle. I have managed to avoid buying a swimsuit for the last year and a half, but I have to do it since we are taking my daughter to Great Wolf Lodge for her birthday.

With much fear and loathing I went to Nordstrom to try stuff on . I'm usually too cheap for Nordstrom, but I need all the help money can buy with this purchase.

Can anyone tell me why they light the mall with the lights that make my pasty white skin glow in the dark? Wouldn't they sell more clothes if you actually looked good in them? I'm just asking.

About 5 minutes in after being blinded by the light and in absolute awe of the hail damage, I was convinced that the Duggars have swimsuit shopping down. Now I am neither conservative or modest, but they are onto something with women keeping covered between their elbows and knees.

I am not a quitter and so I kept trying and trying. Of course they didn't have anything in the right sizes, but I think I have settled on a combo that will cover most of what needs to be hidden for the good of society and not have me looking like I am going to splash day at the convent. Here is what I have ordered:

Cross your fingers for me that it will actually look OK when it is all said and done. I'm not holding out alot of hope since the swimsuit model's boobs are much closer to her shoulders than her elbows.


  1. OMG! "her boobs are much closer to her shoulders than her elbows!" I just peed all over the chair!!! That is so the PERFECT description of real - motherfied - non plastic surgeon boobs. I love it.
    Have fun at the Great Wolf Lodge. I took the kids once, 4 years ago, when we were moving. It was a blast!!!

  2. That looks like a fair compromise-comfy and not too much hanging out. I on the other hand, do not give a shit, so I put on the bikini and scare the hell out of people. Yes I do. I really have no choice though, as for some reasons, my boobs are way too high and any one piece suit never reaches high enough to cover them. it is freakish

  3. After an awful "wardrobe malfunction" at a water park, I wear a one piece! BTW, I love those colors!!!

  4. "the swimsuit model's boobs are much closer to her shoulders than her elbows" ahahahahahaha I'm torn between laughing and crying. I'm too selfish to have a baby! The toll on my body will have me weeping.
    Good luck! Maybe your glow-in-the-dark skin will catch a tan :P

  5. Cute suit! And I completely agree about dressing room lights. They gross me out every time I go shopping! Seriously, who looks good in that lighting???

  6. Love, love, love those shorts! I love tankinis (well, as much as I can love a swimsuit when I was obviously not given a body that should be seen in one), but I still have an issue with the bottom half. And not just the size of my bottom half, although that needs work too. I'm talking the pale-cottage cheesy-veiny aspect of my bottom half. I'm not totally huge and I don't really even have varicose veins to speak of, but I've got about six inches below the typical leg hole that looks much better concealed by fabric. I know people that swear by Lands' End's suits for their fit, but they don't usually grab me. I love your choice---pretty colors and pattern, sensible, but still sassy enough to look young. I might have to hit Nordstrom's myself.


Don't be a wimp. Talk to me!